15 New Years and Holiday Resolutions For Parents

Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know the resolutions where you turn over a new leaf to get fit, steer away from junk food and start a savings plan. While you are reflecting on past bad habits and setting new directions for your personal life consider taking stock of your parenting as well.

A word of warning -- you will probably feel a little inadequate as you look back on some of your past practices. If you are like most parents you nag your kids too much, over-react when they mess up and you probably regret not spending enough time with them. Don't be too hard on yourself. Not only is parenting the world's hardest job but children aren't born with owner's manuals so we tend to rely on trial and error a great deal.

As you ponder the next twelve months of parenthood here are 15 New Year's resolutions to consider. Avoid trying to adopt every idea. Be realistic and choose one or two to add to your list of New Year's resolutions.

1. Be consistent with your discipline. This is a big ask as dealing with kids' misbehaviour tests the patience and resolve of the even the most assured parents. Set consistent limits and boundaries, even for adolescents, and be willing to negotiate and give a little ground. When children refuse to cooperate or break the rules, act calmly and reasonably rather than resort to severe measures to 'teach them a lesson'.

2. Avoid nagging, yelling and constantly reminding children to cooperate. Sometimes it is better to keep quiet than nag or remind children to do their chores, behave or just be reasonable human beings. It is no coincidence that parents who nag frequently complain of 'deaf' children. There is usually nothing wrong with children's hearing. They simply listen to what they want to hear.

3. Focus on children's positive behaviours. If you find yourself continually pointing out your children's misbehaviour and getting nowhere then try to ignore the inappropriate as much as possible. Get into the habit of 'catching kids being good'. Like adults, children respond to favourable comments and are likely to adopt behaviours that gain them attention.

4. Encourage children persistently. It has been estimated that children hear 17 negative comments at home for every piece of praise or encouragement. Exposure to continuous criticism and negative comments can have disastrous effects on children's self esteem. If you are not an encouraging person then linking your positive comments to something you normally do such as saying good night to your children. Then you will know that you have encouraged them at least once each day. That's a good start.

5. Spend more time together as a family. In an era of working parents and busy children finding time for everyone to be home together is increasingly difficult. Be specific with this goal or it will end up on the scrap heap of broken resolutions. Aim to have at least one shared mealtime each week or spend one weekend a month devoted purely to family purposes.

6. Give yourself a regular break. Don't be a slave to your family. Taking time out to do something just for yourself is a necessity rather than a luxury. Revise your household routine, solicit the help of your partner or relatives, or employ a baby-sitter to provide you with some time-off.

7. Plan some time to be with your partner. Whether it is a romantic weekend away or just meeting for coffee together once a week make sure you have an opportunity to spend time with your partner - and don't talk about the kids.

8. Make guilt work for you. Let's face it, parents can find plenty of issues to feel guilty about. Leaving children in child-care, long hours spent at work, and even discipline measures are common sources of guilt. Avoid easing your guilt by being too lenient, spoiling or indulging children with toys or other material possessions. Guilt can be beneficial though; if it reminds you to take time off work to attend a child's school play children or prompts you to hire some domestic help to create more family time.

9. Make a plan to survive those difficult times. Only television families are free of manic times of the day. Mealtime mayhem, morning madness and bedtime battles are common in many families. Identify your difficult time of the day and get super organised and be willing to make yourself scarce if children make unnecessary demands on you at these times.

10. Stay out of children's fights. Brawling siblings disturb the peace so it is difficult for parents not to become involved. Chances are you either plead for peace and quiet, make a ruling to end the dispute, or take sides to lay blame on the child who caused the infraction. If you are tired of interfering in children's battles then leave it up to them to resolve. When your children begin to bicker beat it to another part of the house or boot them outside until they have finished.

11. Control that television set. If the television is continually on in your house then it is time to establish some tight limits for viewing. Ten hours per week is a reasonable guideline for children of most ages. Have a television-free night and let children sample other forms of entertainment.

12. Check your children's computer usage. Computers are rapidly replacing the television as the electronic baby-sitter in many families. To be fair, computers have more educational potential than the television but children predominantly use them for games, unless they receive assistance and direction from parents. Pull up a chair and join in rather than leave children to their own devices whenever they hit a computer.

13. Avoid giving into temper tantrums. Do you give in when your toddler throws himself on his back in the supermarket and thrashes about like a crab? Do you throw your hands up in despair if your teenager stomps off to her bedroom slamming the door behind her when she doesn't get her own way? Tantrums are a potent form of emotional blackmail designed to coerce parents to give in to children's demands. Next time your child throws a major wobbly remove yourself and refuse to give in to such tactics.

14. Avoid the 'good' parent syndrome. Good parents protect children from many of life's difficulties and rob them of opportunities to develop independence and responsibility. They take forgotten lunches to school, pay fines for their children's overdue library books and believe that chores are for parents rather than children. If this sounds familiar let children take more responsibility for their own actions in the coming year.

15. Keep misbehaviour in perspective. You probably think at times that your children or teenagers are the world's worst or that no one else acts up like them. Think again. If your child misbehaves the chances are that he or she is no trailblazer. Many others mess up too. That is little comfort, however, if you have to put up with difficult kids day in and day out. Regardless of how hard things become try to focus on their positive behaviours and work hard to maintain your relationship even if it appears that the effort is all one way. Your persistence will pay off in the long run.

By Michael Grose

10 Ways You Can Advocate For Your Child With A Learning Disability

Did you know that you are the most important person in your child's life? Of course you did. But did you know that parents of children with learning disabilities can also be their child's most effective advocate. What exactly is an advocate? An advocate is someone who speaks up for someone else, or who acts on behalf of another person. As a parent, you know your child better than anyone else, and you are in the best position to speak for him and act on his behalf. Here are 10 ways you can do that:

1. Realize from the beginning that advocating for your child takes a lot of time. Advocating involves a great deal of research, meeting time, and communication. That's a given. But the end result will be a successful,responsible, happy young adult who will be able to survive the pitfalls of the real world.

2. Be informed. The more you know about what is going on with your child, the more comfortable you will be in helping others understand him. Here are some ways you can become informed:

• Read all you can about learning disabilities (especially your child's learning disability).
• Attend conferences. That's a great way to learn and make contact with other people faced with similar issues.
• Ask questions - seek answers.
• Join a support group if there is one available. You can learn a lot from a support group.

3. Become familiar with the rules and regulations that apply to your child's special education program. You request copies of the regulations from your local school district office (the special education office, if your district has one) or from your state Department of Education. If you have difficulty understanding these rules and regulations, don't be afraid to ask the special education director or your child's special education teacher to explain them to you.

4. Work together closely with the professionals who work with your child. This should be done in a positive, cohesive way in order for the child to gain the maximum benefit. Get to know these people - talk with them on a regular basis. Volunteer in the classroom. Don't be afraid to ask for a meeting with the teacher(s) if you see something going on at home that can be helped at school, or vice versa.

5. Keep track of the paperwork that is given to you at the team meetings. This is valuable information that should be kept in an organized place so that you can refer to it easily. If you aren't sure how to do this, talk with the special education director or special education teacher. They have a system to keep the records organized in the office. Perhaps they would share that with you.

6. Don't be afraid to communicate with the professionals. Be prepared when you go to the team meetings, and don't be afraid to calmly and assertively state your views. Take notes into the meeting with you so you won't forget the questions you want to ask or the points you want to make. Remember, the professionals need insight from you as much as you need insight from them. The more communication you have, the more powerful the educational team to help your child.

7. Don't be afraid to ask questions. The field of special education is as complex as your child's needs. Asking questions doesn't mean that you are stupid. It just means that you are interested in your child's education and well- being and want to be an informed parent. You will most likely hear the professionals asking lots of questions as well!!!

8. Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Talk with him about his life both in and outside school. Allow him to express his frustrations, his successes, his disappointments, his hopes, his likes and his dislikes. The better you know your child and what is going on with him, the better you can help other people to work with him.

9. Know your child's strengths and weaknesses and share them with the professionals. Children with learning disabilities, although they have weaker areas, have many strong areas, too. By highlighting these areas, it makes it easier for the professionals to use them as tools to strengthen the weaker skills. It helps them see the child in a more positive light, and it helps them relate to the child. And it helps your child's self-esteem to know that the teachers sees good things in him.

10. Help your child learn to advocate for himself as early as possible. As time goes on, and your child has heard you advocate for him, he will be able to understand how to advocate for himself. If he's heard you say positive things, not only does it increase his self-esteem but it gives him the confidence to speak up for what he needs. Teach him how to communicate how he learns best, what he needs to help him get the most from his classes, and how he feels when confronted with certain issues, such as testing and peer pressure. Give him the power to make his life a success. You can help your child be able to be a successful, happy, responsible student, well on his way to being the same kind of adult. Advocate for him.

For more plain talk about learning disabilities,
please visit us at www.ldperspectives.com.

By Sandy Gauvin

To Clean or Not To Clean

Before my daughter was born my house was so tidy and immaculate that you could eat off the floor! Dishes were done immediately (no dishwasher here!), the toilet was cleaned every morning and the house was dusted and vacuumed quite frequently. Today? The dishes sit o­n the counter till the next day when I tip-toe to the kitchen before the baby wakes so I can get it cleaned and put away, the house is vacuumed just when it looks like it needs it and the dust sits even now several inches thick upon all my furniture. Oh, and did I mention the toilets are not cleaned every single day?

It is hard keeping a house clean with a toddler running underfoot. Especially o­ne that doesn't like the Big Bad Vacuum Cleaner and starts to cry at the site of it. Well, she's getting better about it now, but still.. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get much done. I find myself sitting down, after the baby has been put down for a nap, and thinking to myself, "I can get the bathroom cleaned, do the dishes, take a nap or read a good book now. Which should I do??" By the time I figure out which o­ne I have the energy to do (or not to do in this case), my daughter wakes up and is ready to go for several more hours! Well, scrap that idea and up I get chasing around after a toddler and playing peek-a-boo. Sometimes, I do choose o­ne of those things and usually it is the nap that I choose to do. So does the house get cleaned? Yah, sometimes. Is it as immaculate as it was before our gem entered our lives? Nope. And you know what? That is just fine!! I treasure each day I have with my daughter and realize that these moments are passing us by so swiftly. It has almost been a year and I can barely remember the day she was born. Everything seems to be going by in such a blur! I truly understand now the phrase "in a blink of an eye"!
There is also a very nice quote that I printed out and put o­n my fridge that I find quite fitting to how things have changed. I would like to share it with you all: "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. So hide away cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby 'cause babies don't keep." (author unknown)

Another quote I truly find fitting is this o­ne: "Cleaning house while kids are growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing." (author unknown) I did find myself organizing my daughter's toys. Her dolls go in the basket and everything else in her other basket. Nice and neat! Even the dolls are all sitting upright and smiling at you when you look at the basket. Does it stay that way? No siree! As soon as she wakes up, she tackles her baskets and out comes all her toys. Now that she is toddling around I am finding it hard to contain her mess -uhmm toys, that is- in o­ne room! I hate to admit it, but some nights I just shove it all to o­ne corner and leave it be, knowing full well it will get messed up the next day, so what's the point? The o­nly bad part about not being so careful about picking up all her toys is when you find yourself getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and you step o­n a block. Ouch! So do I organize her toys because of that incident? Uh-uh! I just make sure there is a clear path to the bathroom at all times!! So much for Miss Clean, Neat, and Organized but that's okay! I'd trade that title any day for the title of Mom. Seeing my daughter smile happily each morning when she sees me enter the room lets me know that it's all worth it. Cleaning can wait for another day, week, month or even years. Right now I am going to spend the time I have with my baby girl, the brightest thing in my life thus far.

Break Free From Power Struggles

You want your daughter to wear a dress to the party. She wants to wear jeans. You want your toddler to take his medicine. He does everything he can to keep that yucky stuff out of his mouth. The more you insist, the more they resist. You can break free from power struggles and turn turbulence into positive growth opportunities by putting a few helpful tips in place:

* Step back and view the big picture. How do you respond when your kids challenge your authority? If you view your kids as "willful," or "bad," consider this: it is developmentally appropriate for kids to test their boundaries. As children grow they have a natural desire to make their own decisions and do things for themselves. They want to separate from their parents and function under their own power. Instead of viewing this as threatening, view it as a necessary part of growing up.

By taking on a big picture view, your emotions won't overpower your judgement when dealing with power hungry kids. When you exert your will through force and intimidation, one of two negative side effects occurs: either your children give in and lose motivation to make decisions for themselves, or they rebel, fighting back against you. When children push for power, remind yourself that a positive response from you can set a course for cooperation and empowerment.

* Break negative patterns. Power struggles follow a pattern like the steps of a dance. They do "this," you do "that." Change the pattern and you change the course of your relationship. Anne has a pattern of engaging Mom in power struggles over her curfew. Anne tells mom, "I'm staying out late." Mom says, "No you aren't." Anne protests. Mom yells. Anne glares. Mom punishes. Anne seeks revenge with rebellious behavior. It's always the same pattern. Once Mom recognized the pattern, she made a conscious decision to change it. The next time Anne said she wanted to stay out late, Mom had a new response. She said, "You really want to stay out late tonight don't you dear?" Anne started to protest out of habit, then looked at Mom in shock. "Yes," Anne said, "I want to stay at Kims house until 11 p.m.." Mom listened to Anne's feelings assuring her that when she got older, she could stay out later.

* Allow kids to make some choices. Lots of parents report success at sidestepping the initial power struggle. Then, they slip back into yelling out orders which sets the pattern back in motion. This can be avoided by giving kids choices that allow both your needs to be met. Judy doesn't want to wash her sticky fingers. Instead of fighting with her, Dad gives Judy a choice, "Do you want to wash with bar soap or liquid soap?" Judy picks liquid soap.

Kids want power. When you give them choices within reasonable limits, it's much easier for them to cooperate. The key to making choices work is to only give choices you are willing to accept. Give "real" choices not manipulative ones, such as this: "You can choose to eat your tuna fish sandwich or choose to lose television for the day." That's not an empowering choice. When you allow children some sense of power in their life, even if it's something small, like what color cup they drink from, what bedtime story they hear, or whether they want to do homework before or after dinner, their esteem grows as they enjoy some control over their lives.

* Empower your kids. When you cannot seem to break free from a power struggle, ask yourself, "How can I empower my child in this situation?" Jane argued with Michael about eating junk food. Every time her back was turned, he devoured everything. Jane decided to give Michael power by telling him, "Michael, I bought one box of girl scout cookies. I will not be buying more snacks until next week. You are in charge of how you want to eat your snacks. You can eat them quickly or make them last throughout the week." Michael counted the cookies in the box and made a remarkably sensible plan for snacking. No more power struggle.

* Do the unexpected. Using humor helps to side step power struggles. Breaking out into a foreign accent or cartoon character voice can lighten the mood. When things are getting tense, wave your hand in the air and say, "Lets erase this whole conversation and start over again." Walk out of the room and come back in, starting over on a calmer note. This can be enough to set things back on track.

* Focus on solutions. Power struggles create a win-lose attitude. No one truly wins unless you both win. Teach kids the importance of listening to and considering each person's point of view. Show them how to look for solutions that work for all. You can say to your child, "Lets see if we can come up with some ideas that take both our needs into consideration."

* Disagreements and disrespect are two different things. Do you believe your children should never say "no" to you? Instead of viewing "no" as a sign of disrespect, view it as a disagreement. We encourage our kids to say "no" to drugs and peer pressure. While teaching kids to stand up for themselves, we must realize there will be times they will stand up for themselves with us. The key is to teach kids to show respect during disagreements. When Andy said, "You can't make me eat those peas. Get them off my plate," it didn't go over well with Dad. He sidestepped the power struggle by saying, "Andy, it's easier for me to be helpful to you if you say something like, 'Dad, I would rather not eat peas with dinner.'" Every time you take a respectful approach with your children you model peaceful ways of dealing with disagreements.

By Marilyn Suttle

Help Your Child Do Better in School

1. Create a personal schedule
Recording everything that must be done on a calendar or "to do" list will help him to keep track of important dates and deadlines. If he keeps it in a visible place he will have no problem acknowledging upcoming events and will be better able to plan how and where to spend his time.

A "to do" list would also help him to prioritize his tasks. When it comes to homework, whatever is most important should be tackled first.

2. Watch the clock
Setting an alarm for the morning is a must. I also recommend setting his clock or watch five minutes ahead since it's always easy to run late. When it comes to something like catching a bus, just five minutes can make a significant difference.

3. Focus
He should train himself to be able to concentrate solely on one specific task. This is much easier in a noise-free environment. No T.V or radio should be on to distract him.

4. Get enough sleep
Lack of sleep is proven to take a toll on us physically. The more sleep we get, the more alert we are. We thus have more energy to handle life's daily tasks. The average adult needs at least six hours of sleep a night and the average child needs at least eight.

5. Stay in shape
Through spending time outdoors or playing sports with friends, he can "blow off some steam" so to speak, as well as re-energize. Encourage him to get outside.

6. Talk through your problems
Being able to share his concerns with you will alleviate the frustration of keeping things bottled up. Sharing feelings often makes them easier to deal with. If you make it clear that you understand him and are willing to help, not only will you contribute to his emotional health but you'll help build an open and honest relationship as well.

By Denni Gill

Nail Biting Basics

Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic behavior beset by peculiarity and contradiction. Technically speaking, the correct word for nail biting is ANONYCHOPHAGIA.

Nail biting typically begins between the ages of five and 10 and is common among children as well as adults. As many as one in three Americans bite their nails.

One of the more noteworthy and generally surprising things about nail biting is its high instance. It crosses every social and economic barrier. Prevalence figures for children are much higher than for adults.

Results of nail biting can result in short, ragged nails. It may also lead to damaged cuticles as well as bleeding around the edges of the nails. Infections can also develop if nails are not properly attended to.

Most relevant studies have found that nail biting tends to peak out around puberty.

A study by Malon and Massmer studied the behavior in the Chicago school systems and reported that nail biting is prevalent in about 60 percent of children age eight to eleven.

Most people agree it is a learned habit, perhaps picked up by watching a parent or someone else biting their nails.

Nail biting is an extremely tough habit to break and treatment for it varies.

One possible solution is identifying the reason for nail biting. Avoidance or modification of these situations can be beneficial to the eventual elimination of the habit.

Improving self-esteem is also helpful when attempting to break the habit.

Products such as CONTROL-IT are available on the market and are designed to aid nail biters in breaking their habit. According to www.stopbitingnails.com , CONTROL-IT is a gentle and natural alternative to help prevent biting. A mild unpleasant taste helps to remind users to stop biting their nails.

A host of research efforts both in America and Europe sought to ascertain if in fact nail biting was linked to mental illness in one form or another. Most people would have anticipated they found a high prevalence of nail biting among the mentally disordered; however, they found that nail biting, in and of itself, is not systematic of any form of mental disorder or maladjustment.

Nail biting crosses all national borders, genders, and both social and economic lines and may also originate from a primal need for self-grooming. It affects both the nails and the cuticles; with greater potential harm caused via infection to the cuticle and nail biting tends to be a private affair, and is a relatively isolated form of self-indulgence.

Nail biting may be treated addressing symptom rather than cause; it is a habit, not a disease.

Owner: Christopher Joel Henry;
born: December 18, 1958; birthplace: California
Married: Mrs. Trudy Henry
By Mr. Henry

Back to School Feng Shui

Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the malls in search of the perfect sneaker or the cool new outfit for the coming school year. However, it's unlikely that the new shoe or shirt will benefit them as much as a new design in the bedroom. That's because a bedroom makeover will create new interest and energy - what feng shui calls "chi" - in the bedroom that will benefit a child.

According to feng shui, the Chinese technique for design and arrangement, rooms that have good energy, or "chi", create happier, well-adjusted children. Feng shui theories suggest that for a child's room to have good "chi," the room must follow certain guidelines such as that they must be restful, promote good relationships others and generate good self-esteem. Perhaps most importantly, harmonious children's bedrooms encourage good study habits and promote greater success in school.

What does it take to promote greater success in school? According to feng shui, the following seven tips are key to creating rooms that inspire kids to study.

1. The room has a desk.
It sounds obvious, but many kids' only workspace is either a bed, the bedroom floor, or the family dining table. Every child needs a suitable study area in the bedroom that includes a desk, chair, and a lamp. Children with study areas are more likely to study. Better still, having a study area keeps all the school books and papers confined to the child's room. Feng shui also believes it's best for children to study facing the northeast, the direction of wisdom and learning.

2. Ground your kids.
Buy your kids a globe to promote interest in geography and to help "ground" them and encourage them to study. Add a globe in the Northeast corner of the bedroom, if possible.

3. Create an achievement corner.
Every child needs to have recognition for a job well done. A perfect way to gain this is to create an achievement corner on the South wall of the bedroom. According to feng shui, this is the recognition area and is a good place to pin up awards, papers with good grades, letters of recommendation, ribbons or trophies.

4. Hang a crystal in the Northeast corner of the room.
Crystals are used to make computer chips faster. Hang a crystal in the study location to create more "study" chi and to help sharpen the child's ability to "process" or think!

5. Put your child in the command position.
Avoid having children face a wall when studying because this represents an obstacle. They should be able to see the door when someone enters.

6. Display maps and other educational artwork.
Maps are another way to ground educational pursuits. They encourage "worldly" interest and curiosity and they make suitable images for a child's room. Avoid scary creatures, pictures depicting violence, or sad or dark subjects.

7. Eliminate TV from the bedroom.
Sadly many of today's children have TVs in their bedrooms. This is a feng shui no-no because it can make children much less likely to study and rest fully. If your child doesn't study as much as you would like and has a TV in the bedroom, ask yourself what is more important: television or school?

8. Shells and fish are symbols of education.
Conch shells and koi or goldfish are excellent symbols of educational success. Place the conch shell in the Northeast corner of the bedroom. Or, hang a picture of koi or goldfish in the Northeast corner. It is not recommended to keep live fish in the bedroom as water in the bedroom is associated with loss.

By Kathryn Weber